"They call me plump, but I throw up all the time."

I believe Courtney Love is entering her Debra Harry stage. Only with less class, less coolness, less talent and more drugs.


"I believe in peace, bitch."


What the hell happened to Tori Amos?

I've been a fan of Tori for a long time, so I'm aware that she's a little nuts, what with her seeing faeries and talking about sleeping with Jesus, but THE HAIR, MY GOD, THE HAIR. Did she get into a fight with her crimping iron? Why would she even have a crimping iron? Why should anyone, quite frankly? And the make-up? It's like Ziggy Stardust meets Barbie. Who, might I add, are two people who should never meet. And then there's this pink satin mumu thing, which is just... wrong. Very wrong.

Someone help her, please.


"Be careful with me, I'm fragile, I'm a bitch babe, and I'm on fire."

So, as any Garbage fan knows, the only thing that is as important as the music is Shirley's hair and clothes. It's just common sense. And I would like to take this time to point out she has fantastic shoes:

I want them.

Anyway, I would also like to take this time to do an homage to Shirley as the sassy redheaded that I love. Blog on!

Shirley in her humble Garbage beginings, post Angelfish. Her hair was big, her make-up was fantastic and I LOVED HER. I owned the Us magazine that this picture was in. For everyone who has ever gone jewellry with me, I would like to specify that I do believe that this picture is the origin of my love of big, oversized rings.

Upon the release of Version 2.0, Shirley's hair got smaller and straighter and she was all sleek. This is about the time when I realized how truly Scottish and pale she really is. Which is great because I'm Scottish and pale. Honestly, my face has enough pale to light a country road at midnight.

...And then Shirley started morphing into some type of futuristic-dominatrix thing, but I still dug it.

(I also had the Spin magazine that this was published in. As I said, I loves me some Shirley.)

At the release of BeautifulGarbage, the hair looked good...

And then this happened.

Now, I know she was going for the androgenous-Annie-Lennox look, and who am I to complain? I likes me some Annie, too, but Shirley had to be kicked out of my Duo of Sassy Redheads that I'm in Love With (the remainder of the duo being the lovely Tori Amos, of course - who later had to be removed as well due to her decision to go blonde as well - I felt so rejected). And then the BeautifulGarbage look went to new levels...

...And I loves me some Blondie, but damn, I think Debbie's fug is rubbing off on Shirley in this picture. Deb's rocking the psuedo-hip grandma look and Shirley's rocking the deranged circus clown look. I'm fairly confident that they're laughing because they LOOKED IN THE MIRROR.

Now I'm not going to comment on Shirley's initial Bleed Like Me look because I think that horse has been beaten enough and we all know how I feel and I try to repress those memories.

...But I knew she wouldn't disappoint. I knew she had a mirror somewhere in her house. Still loves me the Shirley!


"Dead disco, dead funk, dead rock n' roll."

I would say that I'm mostly a rock fan. But today, with bands like the abhorrent Linkin Park leading the way, I'm ashamed to say I like rock music. It has become boring, uninteresting and just as hollow as bad pop music.

So what the hell am I supposed to listen to? Ashlee Simpson? (that was for you, Rob)

*shoots herself*

(I'm getting a feeling that maybe I should get a new least-favourtie band, because I seem to hate on Linkin Park a lot.

*Linkin Park song comes on radio*

No, they are the most hated for a reason.)


"I'm begging you to drag you down with me, to kick the last nail in."

As previously posted:

Morrissey's all "GRRRR."

And Robert Smith is also all "GRRRR."


"Sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head."

I just want everyone to know, anyone who pisses me off is now officially going to get the MORRISSEY PUNCH!:

So watch out.


"Where do you fit in?"

Have you ever noticed that music genres seem to influence people to dress and act in certain ways? Have you ever thought about how different we may feel about Spice Girls fans if we didn't have neat little genres to put everything into? And have you ever noticed that the music genres we have today are so frekin' stupid and uncool in comparison to what they used to be? I decided to put together a description of some popular music genre categories so you, my friend, can see where you fit in, in the grand scheme of things.


Music: Goth associated bands range all over the board, but some goth household names are of course Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and The Cure. Some other bands appreciated by various goths are Depeche Mode, Garbage and Tool. You're also very attracted to bands that wear a lot of make-up, black clothes, use synthesizers and heavy guitars and complain about how the world let them down.

Idols: Trent Reznor; if you're really depressed, Bauhaus

Clothes: Lots of black and red; boots that are impossible to walk in; metal/leather accessories; fishnets; about anything you can find in the Halloween costume section in Wal-Mart.

Interests: Vampires; death; black stuff; depression; self pity and apathy

Attitude: Life is pain! The world is a complete let down, although you're not sure why and refuse to take any action to make it a better place. Instead, you'll pretend to be depressed and misunderstood and call all those who don't act and dress like you conformists... Even though you conform to other goths in order to fit in with them. Whatever. I could be wrong. No one understands a goth. That's the point. We're not supposed to. We're just conformists. Ya. Remember gothies: "I'd rather be a pussy crying kid than a faggy goth kid."


Music: Fast, guitars with a redundant anti-establishment message that you probably don't understand; The Clash, but only because it's cool to wear their t-shirts - you probably have never heard of London Calling.

Idols: Johnny Rotten

Clothes: Plaid; short skirts with weird, retro designs on them; fishnets; random "funky" jewelry; Doc Martins or Chuck Taylors; fitted jeans; a mohawk; possibly make-up; some could almost pass for goth if they weren't so goddamn stupid

Interests: Misguided civil disobedience; being young and destructive; wrecking perfectly good clothes by writing the names of all your favourite bands on it (Newsflash: No one really cares what bands you like! We can see you're punk and can guess on our own!); swear words; graffiti; acting angry for no good reason

Attitude: Like goths, you believe the world has somehow let you down, however, instead of sitting around and complaining about it, most punks like to take action by pointlessly writing anti-establishment slogans that no one will read on walls and bus terminals. Such actions taken by punks may be to write "propaganda!" on top of an advertisement at a bus stations. Newsflash: Writing propaganda on an advertisement is propaganda! You have a very anti-establishment attitude, however, you're unaware of what the establishment is, and instead just like to rebel against the "man". You like to declare yourself as "young, poor and angry", however, you most likely live in the suburbs, have mommy and daddy pay for everything and are very globally unaware and thus have very little reason to be angry. Whatever man! Screw America!


Music: Bubble-gum "punk"; punkish sounding bands that have numbers in their name; any band that write songs that would make good jokes

Idols: Blink-182

Clothes: "Skater" shoes, most likely by Osiris or Vans; baggy pants or shorts, most likely kakhis; t-shirts with a "punkish" clothing company's logo on it; a baseball hat; spikey hair; a skateboard (even if you don't use it, just carry it - you'll look cool, kiddies!)

Interests: Skateboards (even if you can't skate!)

Attitude: You are punk's demented offspring. Thus, you embody many of the musical interests as punk, however, you lack the mental capacity to understand how fucked up the world is, and thus, could care less. Only a skater punk can get away with wearing those t-shirts with logos on it because real punks would label you a conformist and accuse you of spreading propaganda. Of course, the "real" punk is most likely wearing something from Old Navy, but won't admit it, but whatever. As a skater punk, you most likely don't know what the word propaganda means. Whatever, man.


Music: Bands that rock, but are still sensitive to cry when they need to.

Idols: Some sad guy looking longingly over his guitar i.e. Connor Oberst

Clothes: Anything from a second hand store; retro tees; fitted jeans; sweater vests; shaggy hair; looking all messed up, even though it took you an hour to get that look; those black rimmed Buddy Holly glasses (even if you don't need them); overall, you look like Rivers Cuomo

Interests: Playing your guitar with a frown on your face

Attitude: As punk's loser cousin, you are sad and sensitive. In general, you're a pussy.


Music: Whatever's popular, hence the "pop"

Idols: A random blonde songstress, whichever one is top of the charts right now. I can no longer tell them apart.

Clothes: Anything that's in fashion right now! The skankier the better!

Interests: boys; your hair; who Britney's dating; MTV; I'm guessing you watch Friends

Attitude: You generally take what you're given. You have a lack of desire and mental capacity to seek out alternate sources of music, and thus, spend your life listening to what's been fed to you by big media and what the mainstream says is popular. You still don't seem to understand that just because a song is #1 on Billboard, it doesn't mean it's good - Remember people, The Macarena and Ice, Ice Baby were #1 once, as well. You follow trends like Britney follows Madonna and stick to what the masses say is "cool". Thus, you're rather unoriginal and boring, but hey, at least you look good.


Music: Same as pop

Idols: The kid who invented napster

Clothes: You never leave your room, thus, clothes are unimportant

Interests: Kazaa; MSN messenger

Attitude: Since the day you realized that you could download songs, you have ceased purchasing CDs completely. Thus, because you no longer have to sacrifice something of your own to get music, you've lost most respect for it. Music has now become the process of finding that one song you like, saving it as a file on your hard drive, and then deleting it when the song isn't popular anymore. The idea of music being something sacred is lost on you. You don't have interests in "bands" or "albums", just their popular singles. Seeing as you never purchase CDs, you never hear any songs other than the singles, and thus, never really get into a band. It's because of you that we have so many bands that make their career on one hit wonders, instead of solid albums. In reality, you don't know how to actually use a computer, only how to use your Kazaa. Computer nerds and rocks snobs everywhere hate you.


Music: It's gotta rock! And not make you think too much! i.e. Nickleback

Idols: You don't know what that word means. You like AC/DC a lot, but don't know who Angus Young is, so um yeah. Partaaaay!

Clothes: You're a jock, you don't care about clothes! That's gay!

Interests: Chicks; beer; you like to rock out with your cock out

Attitude: You lack the mental capacity to have an attidue. If it doesn't say "beer" or "girls", it's not interesting. You will most likely grow up to be a bouncer. Or the President of the United States.


Music: Coldplay; Travis

Idols: You tell everyone Tom Yorke, but you mean Kenny G

Clothes: You wear frilly shirts when no one's there to laugh at you, or kick your pansy ass.

Interests: Calling Radiohead geniuses.

Attitude: You're also a pussy, and lack attitude.


Music: It's all about the beats, man.

Idols: Russel Simmons

Clothes: MALE - Baggy, baggy pants, so baggy that your ass shows; baggy, baggy shirts, so baggy it could be mistaken for a mumu; brand name running shoes, Nike, Addidas, Reebok, whichever's most expensive; extensive bling, to the point where you weigh hundreds of pounds more due to your jewelry; bandanas; FEMALE - tight pants; tight, short skirts; shirts that show as much skin as possible; you also need to be iced up with your bling, but do it more tastefully; big hair; high heels; big earrings; pink or baby blue little sweat suits

Interests: Clubbing; ganstas - even though you've probably never been near a ghetto in your life; selling your soul for money and popularity; wasting that money on bling and rims for your car

Attitude: Lots of it. You like to walk as though you have a bowling ball lodged in your ass, and this emphasizes your attitude. It's all about the money and looking good while you waste it. Guns. Drugs. Fuck the cops, man! But when some real thugs steal your rims, you're going to turn to them for help. The "man" is out to get you, however, you are probably white and suburban and have mommy and daddy pay for everything, so technically, you are the "man". If you were ever actually in South Central LA, you would soil yourself out of fear.


Music: Female, angry and yet, still sensitive

Idols: Sarah McLaughlin

Clothes: Long skirts with flowers on them; anything with flowers on it

Interests: Feminism; possibly lesbianism

Attitude: You are one of those "strong, smart, independent" women (or womyn or grrrrrls, whatever), however, you're not smart enough to see that most of the chick singers write the same crap every song and can't seem to do anything original. You think Tori Amos is weird and don't understand her. Courtney Love scares you. So does any woman who can actually rock.


Music: "Electronica"; any band that's foreign and makes all of it's music on computers

Idols: Kraftwerk

Clothes: Baggy pants; glow sticks

Interests: Raves; dancing as though your limbs are independent of your body

Attitude: Rock is boring, so it's time we moved on to the next big thing: Techno! You can differentiate between those techno songs that everyone else says sound the same. You long to be a DJ, but years of listening to nothing but techno beats has left your mind liquified.


Music: Metal-rap; anything where a little white guys sings and then a little white guy raps; anything with pointless anger

Idols: Fred Durst

Clothes: Red baseball cap

Attitude: You are the bastard child of goth and jock rock. Where jock rockers just wanna rock, you wanna rock and be very, very angry. At what? I dunno, just break stuff. When you're not too busy being angry at nothing, you like to spend your time wollowing in self pity, just like your goth, whore of a mother. You scream "I won't be ignored!", but unfortunately, anyone with an IQ over 10 is smart enough to ignore you.


Music: Anything by those lovable nineties Candian rockers!

Idols: Raine Maida

Clothes: You fit in somewhere between the emos and the skaters

Interests: Edgefest; Chart magazine

Attitude: You love to support the homegrown talent. You bitch and whine about how Canadian artists don't get enough attention south of the border and how our musicians are far better than those American rocks bands. You are so blinded by patriotism that you can't seem to realize that many of these Canadian bands are just as bad as their American counter parts and that the mainstream music in Canada is just as bad as it is in the states. You are so blinded by patriotism that you can't seem to see that Sloan rips off the Beatles like JT rips off MJ. You go on and on about how MuchMusic is far superior to MTV, even though there's no longer much difference between the two. You actually watch the Junos, but of course, prefer the MuchMusic Video Awards. You enjoy hearing Matthew Good shoot his mouth off, and you picked sides in that rediculous MGB vs. OLP "Who's more derivative" media battle, even though they were both rather derivative bands and the idea that they would fight over that is baffling and stupid. You still probably aren't dumb enough to think Nickleback is good.


Music: Tool; A Perfect Circle; anything that is pre-Maynard approved

Idols: Maynard James Keenan

Clothes: Tool t-shirts, however, it is frowned upon to wear them to Tool/APC concerts. Yes. You are THAT self-righteous.

Interests: Being deep and philosophical. You disagree with Freud when he said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. A cigar is never JUST a cigar! It's symbolic of something! And fisting is never just fisting!

Attitude: You may actually be a goth. However, it doesn't matter if you happen to also fit into any of the other categories above, you Tool fans are all the same. You are a self-righteous fuck. So self-righteous, that Tool actually hates you. There is one distinction between you and goths. While goths just think that the world hates them, the world actually does hate you. Die, you pseudo-intelligent losers.


Music: Anything, but it can't be mainstream or popular.

Idols: The morons at Pitchfork media

Clothes: You probably look like an emo, but won't admit it.

Interests: Knowing obscure musical facts; knowing your city's music scene like the back of your hand; knowing bands that no one else does, and trying to keep it that way; thinking bands are cool if they're unpopular, even if they suck; rejecting mainstream music, even if it's good; calling Radiohead geniuses

Attitude: No one understands music the way you do. You've become so good at rejecting the mainstream, that if a song has a video on high rotation on a music channel, it's gotta suck. You believe that the masses are generally stupid when it comes to music, and although you're most likely right, you have forgotten that music is subjective to the listener and that listening to music is supposed to be about feeling something while listening to a song, not looking cool while listening to a song. You don't seem to realize that the so-called music "fans" of today are far more influenced by genres and the hype surrounding bands than by the songs themselves. You, the rock snob, seem to have forgotten that that is what being a music fan is all about. Just listen to the goddamn song, you pretentious prick! P.S. Radiohead is overrated.

Please do not comment to complain about how wrong I am and how I have filled this webpage with sweeping generalizations. I don't fucking care. If you care that much, you're most likely are a loser who fits into one of these categories anyway.

Of the limp variety...

What's wrong with music today? The fact that I asked this question today:

"How do you spell bizkit?"

Of course, the answer was "I dunno, it's too stupid to care."

Motherfucking P-I-M-P?

I don't get it.

It's like white-bread-american-government-approved-gangstah-badass, no?

People who don't do that because they understand how fucking stupid they look: 1
Jessica Simpson: 0

"Read my blog. Read it, bitch!"

[21:12] rob: LJ is so addictive
[21:13] debaser: I like looking at loser blogs
[21:13] debaser: and then mocking them
[21:13] rob: yeaaaaah, me too, but I never post so I feel like that makes it okay
[21:14] debaser: people totally read our blogs and think we're losers
[21:14] debaser: but I'll smite them when I rule the world
[21:15] rob: NO THEY DON'T!~
[21:15] rob: i'm fairly convinced I have a silent-following.
[21:15] debaser: rob: yeaaaaah, me too, but I never post so I feel like that makes it okay
[21:16] debaser: there's your silent following

"Fear of a female planet?"

Kim Gordon, Sonic Youth