"Damn, you've got some wicked style."

ATTN: Harajuku Girls

RUN FAST, RUN FAR BEFORE LA STEFANI KILLS YOU AND SENDS YOUR CORPSE TO A TAXIDERMIST

I see it happening, I do. However, I really, really, really like Gwen's "Rich Girl" song.

Honestly, I love it.

But this whole Harajuku Girl thing is becoming a bit much.

I'd get me four Harajuku girls to
Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names
Love, Angel, Music, Baby
Hurry up and come and save me

The above lyrics are from "Rich Girl" and, man... just, wow. Does anyone else find this a little creepy? Like, MJ and little boys in his bedroom creepy?

"I won't say it if you don't say it first."

Dear New Order
Oops.
Dear The Cure
Shit.
Dear The Smiths
Dear Joy Division
Dammit. I mean
Dear The Bravery,

Hi. I just recently saw your video for "An Honest Mistake" on MuchMusic. I apologize for the lateness of my recognition of your band, but I don't have MuchMusic at home. Now, you're going to hear a lot of words thrown around like "Rip-offs" and "unoriginal". Though these words may hurt, I want you to remember that after the horribly overdone 70's garage rock revival, I am happy to see a band as devoted to 80's synth pop/proto-goth revival as you are. It's nice to see a band embrace the always pained, slightly whiny, slightly homosexual aura of the likes of The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division. Don't let the haters bring you down, Rachel loves you! And that's all that matters.

Love,
Rachel

P.S. Morrissey called, he wants his gay back.

"Go on take everything, take everything, I want you to."

So, I took another one of those stupid quizzes. This time, it was "What Hole Song are You?"

Apparently, I'm "Violet".
Y'know, the one with the video with all the burlesque whores dancing around.

What the hell does this mean?

Oh well. I guess I should be happy I didn't get "Teenage Whore".

Oops... K-Fed knocked her up

So, I looked up "scumbag" in the dictionary, and this is what I got.

And then I looked up "manipulated, vapid ditz" and I got this.

And then I looked up "the last thing this world needs" and I got this.

Yep. She's preggers.

I promised myself I wouldn't write about it. I've already written about American Idol and engaged in several Britney vs. Xtina arguments. I didn't want to stoop any lower. But the thought of this news keeps me from sleeping at night and elevates my fears for the future of the Earth.

Britney's going to reproduce.
Not just reproduce, reproduce with "the scumbag" (also known as her husband).

Well, we all know they'll make excellent parents, because K-Fed has a multitude of experience with children seeing as he's got about 25 already with other women. And of course K-Fed will be a wonderful husband during Britney's pregnancy. Y'know, it's not like he left his last girlfriend while she was pregnant so that he could marry Money Bags Spears. No, that never happened *cough*.

Maybe BritBrit can take up knitting when she's left barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen while K-Fed takes off to Vegas with the credit cards again. Or maybe she can call up Justin when K-Fed leaves her for another young, rich starlet. Lindsay Lohan, he's looking in your direction.


I'm sure they'll make excellent parents.

What a moist, naughty boy

So David Usher is playing Denim here in Guelph on April 21.

When is David Usher going to go back to Moist? Honestly, does he think the stuff he's doing now is good? Not that Moist was particularly spectacular, but it was far superior to his solo crap. Like really, he has a song called "Butterfly". Who the fuck is he, Mariah Carrey?

When I was in high school, I had a friend who was beyond obssessed with Moist/David Usher, so I've seen him/Moist live a few times. My favourite David Usher moment has to be waiting outside the Mike Bullard show to meet him. After he came out and had a picture taken with my friend, my other friend, a gay male, yelled "David Usher makes me Moist!"

Mr. Usher turned around and looked.
My obssessed friend got a look of horror on her face and ran down the street, away from the scene of her embarassment.

That was the last time we saw David Usher.

Good times.

Northern touch

So the Juno Awards were last night

Yeah. I don't really care either.

But I'm proud to know that Avril Lavigne has now reached that special level of Canadian stardom where she no longer has to actually show up to the Junos.

"Anne Murray has won more Juno awards than any other artist with 24 of the trophies. She is followed by Celine Dion with 20, and Bryan Adams with 18."

Oh god. So embarassed to be Canadian right now.

A Photo Essay: The Life and Times of Paula Abdul

All of you American Idol fans (I would say Paula Abdul fans, but c'mon, let's be reasonable), if you have a problem with my deep and raging hatred of Paula Abdul, please take it up with my friend Shannon. She is the only reason I have ever seen any episodes of American Idol, and if I had never seen American Idol, I wouldn't hate Ms. Abdul as much as I do. Moving on...


Paula: "Oh yes, that was fantastic and you look beautiful, even though I can't really see or hear because my senses have been dulled by painkillers, but it was fantastic. Got any oxycontin?"


Simon's laughing at her hat. He has to be.


Here we see Paula in the video for "Rush Rush" with Keanu Reeves. So not only did she give us Janet Jackson, she gave us Keanu, too. Thanks a lot Paula.


Simon: "Maybe if I squeeze her enough, I'll crush her voicebox and she'll shut up."
Randy: "You can cut the sexual tension with a knife... Ew."


Paula: "You better believe I'm on oxycontin!"


This just in, Paula Abdul's breast escapes, launches solo career. Doesn't get past the first auditions in American Idol.

w3rd

All I have to say is this:

"My black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."

So, if you were to mosey on over to Rob's Blog, you would see a link to a "What Type of Lesbian Stereotype Are You?" quiz. So, y'know, I took the quiz out of curiosity (I've always wondered what type of lesbian stereotype I was - I mean, who hasn't?), and I got...

Goth.

Yes, as in PAIN GOTH. Fuck. My precious ego.

People, just because I like black and dyed my hair black a few years ago and now can't get it out without killing my hair DOES NOT MAKE ME GOTH. GAH!

In other news, I think this is damn funny.

"I"m so goth, I'm catholic."

LIFE IS PAIN!

Hullabalooza

http://www.nme.com/news/111872.htm

Perry, hun, it's dead. LET IT GO.

Die American Idol. DIE.

Top ten reasons why I hate American Idol:

1. Paula Abdul
2. One of the last few times I had to watch it, I had to watch someone cover "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Yes. The Bonnie Tyler song. And the judges said it was good!
3. Ryan Seacrest. Not only is he a midget, he's an annoying midget.
4. You can't be an American Idol if you have a police record, which is absurd because as we all know, all the best celebrities have records.
5. Paula Abdul
6. It's on, like, eight times a goddamn week.
7. The clothes the idols wear while performing. Who dresses these people! I would like to know what drugs they were on when deciding to wear this, this, this, this, this, and this. And then get me some so I can stand looking at them.
8. Clay Aiken
9. The show is essentially a kleenex box for new, media friendly, franchise creating, money magnet pop stars. It's a goddamn assembly line.
10. And the big reason that I hate American Idol, my friends, is of course, none other than PAULA ABDUL. I wish I had a job where I could get paid millions of dollars to sit and watch people sing and then tell them how good they are - even if they suck. And then use it as a launching pad for a revival of my dead, hopeless career. That'd be sweet.